Hello again!
I started off so well, I was determined to make a post a week but my mind got the better of me but hey, that's what you get for following a blog about Mental Health! The past few months have been a blur to me and all of my progress went down the drain for a short while but onward and upwards i go, everyone has their bad days but I guess it is just how you deal with it! I have finally decided to quit smoking and keep at it so mother dearest has my bank card so I can no longer buy tobacco! I am feeling super hungry and I am sleeping like a baby because I can not drink a cup of coffee without smoking!
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Grandad,
I still think about you every day, apparently it gets easier with time but I do not think I will ever get over losing you because you left without me being able to thank you for having such a great impact on my life. The person you knew me as is not who I am today, I was not wise enough to understand how much you did for me and just how important you were. People say you don't know what you have until it is gone and unfortunately, I learnt that the hard way. You were my best friend, my teacher, my life line, my everything. I did not know that a life without you would be half as difficult as it is. If I could ask one thing of this world, it would to be to bring you back to allow me to properly thank you for everything you have done, in a way that is selfish because it will allow me to finally come to peace with everything. To the ones I love, I know I have never been an easy person to deal with and for that, I would like to thank you all. You stuck by me when I was hurting you, just because I was hurting. It is pretty ironic that we end up hurting others when we are hurting ourselves. I have put you all through great worry and concern but rest assured, this time I am battling it all for once and for all. To my Mum; You are so bloody strong. I have caused you so much stress from when I was growing up until now, I would lie to you and scream vile abuse at you because I was not mature enough to see one thing; you cared. I am not the easiest child to love and I can not imagine the amount of pain you had to go through having to see your daughter at 6 stone and barely moving from her bed. It is not until recently that I have found that I have hurt you more than anyone, and you still haven't given up. I love you and I am sorry. To my Dad; You may not have voiced your concern during the time I was also hurtling abuse at you but I know you were hurting, We may have never really seen eye to eye but I can not begin to explain how sorry I am for the strain I have put on your family, I think you were the one that secretly understood me and I felt great comfort in this. You have no idea how much I love you poppa. To my Sisters; I am sorry I haven't been the little sister you wish you had. I am sorry I have not been around to let you plait my hair or have girly nights. I am sorry for not letting you close to me. You are both my role models (I can not believe I just admitted that) you are strong and beautiful. I know you both took the brunt of it all with Mum and Dad and that hurts me, it really does. I am sorry for stealing your limelight at times, my weakness should have never caused you pain. To my Bestfriend; You are one inspiring lady. You have done the one thing that everyone did not expect, have a baby at 17 and have a mortgage by 19, I aspire to be on your level one day. You take my shit on the chin and that is what I love about you, nothing has ever made you up sticks and walk off, it has just made you care more. I am sorry for all of the failed girly dates because I slept in too long and I am sorry for you having to put up with me sat sobbing about things when you did not know why. I should have been more open to you and I apologise for that. To my Cousin; You may not have seen it all but you certainly did take a lot of my issues onboard, I felt that I could trust you and have put a great amount of pressure on you and I can not thank you enough for being that person in my life when I could not begin to think about speaking to anyone else. To my Man; You were the lucky one that walked into my life while I was on my road to recovery. You caught me off guard, you came without warning and you had my heart before I could say no. You take my past on the chin and it does not affect the relationship we have, you love my family and I know that is hard for you baby but you're one of us now. I love you. None of you should have ever endured the pain you had to go through but now I shall make it my mission to build our bridges and make sure that the people I love are loved properly.
Hi, I'm Honor! Welcome to my first blog post! I have recently started a venture to get healthy, both mentally and physically. I decided it would be a good idea to create a blog to bring you along on the ride; This is mainly because I know that some of my personal stories can be relatable to many of you, hopefully it will give you the peace of mind that you are not alone and allow you to also open up! My plan is to share everything from food to work to training to how I am in general with some other bits thrown in along the way; It can't all be about me! A little more about me! I am 19 years old and I live in Derbyshire, UK. I was raised in a lovely little market town called Melbourne with my 2 beautiful sisters and my parents which couldn't do enough for us (they still can't, I do not know where we would be without them.) Not to forget that my little floofer, bear joined us in 2013! Alongside my 2 beautiful sisters, my hot ass momma and my popps there are 3 other people in my life that keep me going; my bestfriend, my man and my floof (well, she thinks she is human anyway.) some other things that keep me going is music, cooking and my secret gaming addiction that no-one probably knew about till now. I am currently modelling full time which is harder than it seems, all of my time and effort is currently invested in this which leads to step one of my road to get mentally healthy; Keeping myself occupied! I train in the gym every day and I think you all know what is coming next... I eat a lot of good food, I was always the child at school that took olives instead of chocolate so as you can imagine I have a wide range of foods that I love to eat! Now to dig a little deeper into why I started this Blog! In 2012 I got diagnosed with depression and I got put through CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) which unfortunately did not work for me so I suffered in my pit for 4 years, being a bitch to everyone around me which I have to admit, it almost destroyed my relationship with my family.. I hate that my issues put so much strain on them and I now ensure that I let them know how much I appreciate and love them for everything they have done for me because after all; I would not be here without them! A year or so on and all shit hit the fan, depression started taking it's toll on the one thing that is second nature to most people; eating. At my worst I was weighing in at approximately 6 stone and being 5'9" this was bad but I always refused to admit it therefore, I never got any help. Last year things were slowly looking up, I had been put on Anti Depressants (The bane of my life) and someone walked into my life and put it all to an end for me, placed me in a gym under a personal trainer and ensured that I had eaten at least 3 meals a day. I am still struggling with depression to this day however, my livelihood has significantly increased which has put me in a position to start talking about my story to inspire others to do the same and to hopefully assist others to get out of their rut and start living a normal life! I have decided to post a series of open letters for my first week of blogging so that you can learn more about me before i drag you onto my journey, stay tuned to see more! Please feel free to contact me about any of the issues I have raised in this post, I would be more than happy to discuss! |